I remember an old teammate of mine who always seemed so put-together—perfect makeup, impeccable outfits, flawless Instagram feed. Yet whenever anyone complimented her, she’d shrug it off and quickly change the topic. She had this pattern of making offhand comments about her “flaws” that nobody else had even noticed.

At first, I thought she was just being humble. But the more time I spent around her, the clearer it became that beneath her polished exterior, she was quietly wrestling with insecurities about her appearance.

In today’s image-focused culture, it can be surprisingly easy to hide how we truly feel about the way we look. Most of us have days when we’re self-conscious about a pimple on our chin or the shape of our nose. That’s natural.

But for some people, the insecurity runs deeper, simmering just below the surface. From my own experiences as both an athlete and a wellness coach, here are seven signs that suggest someone might be more insecure about their looks than they let on.

1. They pretend compliments don’t exist

One telltale sign is the way they respond to compliments—or, more accurately, how they struggle to respond at all. If you notice someone consistently brushing off kind words with phrases like “Oh, stop,” or “You’re just being nice,” it might indicate they aren’t comfortable accepting positive feedback.

Sure, plenty of people modestly play down a compliment now and then. But when it happens every single time, it can point to a deeper sense of unworthiness tied to their appearance.

I’ve seen this behavior in clients who are actually meticulous about their grooming or style. They might look like they have it all together, but on the inside, they don’t believe they deserve recognition.

According to Dr. Andrew Huberman—whose insights on neuroscience I often reference—the brain’s reward system can become skewed if we constantly reject positive input. We’re basically training ourselves not to trust compliments, which only reinforces our negative self-image over time.

2. They overcompensate with “perfect” grooming

There’s nothing wrong with enjoying a solid skincare routine or a stylish outfit. But when someone is secretly insecure, they might go overboard, almost like they’re wearing armor.

Instead of using clothes or makeup as a form of self-expression, they rely on them as shields to hide behind. The moment that shield cracks—maybe they leave the house without makeup or their outfit isn’t 100% on point—they feel off-balance.

In my early 20s, I had a phase where I refused to go anywhere without a full face of makeup. Friends thought I was just “high-maintenance.” In reality, I felt that if people saw me without my mascara and perfect eyeliner, they’d see the real, flawed version of me.

It took me a while to realize that perfection was my way of masking insecurities. So if someone seems hyper-focused on never being caught in a less-than-perfect state, they may be wrestling with deeper self-esteem issues than they’re willing to admit.

3. They use humor to deflect attention

Another common tactic is making jokes at their own expense before anyone else can. Maybe you’ve noticed that friend who constantly cracks jokes about having a “big nose” or “bad skin,” especially when a camera appears.

It’s like they’re racing to insult themselves before anybody else even has the chance. This is often a defense mechanism—if they point out their perceived flaw in a comedic way, then it feels less painful if others were to comment on it.

I used to coach a young athlete who would make fun of her own lanky limbs, even though she was incredibly talented and fit. She’d laugh and say, “I’m just a walking coat hanger,” and everyone else would laugh, too.

But it was heartbreaking when she admitted she truly believed she didn’t measure up to her teammates who she viewed as “perfectly proportioned.” For her, humor was a way to feel in control—if she made the joke, then she wasn’t the butt of it.

4. They overanalyze photos and social media posts

We’ve all clicked “Delete” on a photo we hated, right? But some people take this to the extreme, spending hours editing and re-editing, or snapping dozens of selfies just to find one shot they can tolerate.

When they finally post something, they’ll ask for a thousand confirmations: “Is this okay? Is the lighting right? Do I look weird?” And even after posting, they might take it down if it doesn’t get immediate positive feedback.

James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, often emphasizes how small habits can compound over time. Spending endless hours analyzing pictures may seem like a minor quirk, but it often stems from—and worsens—an underlying insecurity.

When every photo or social media post is a minefield of potential criticism, it can indicate a deeper worry that they’re simply not good enough as they are. In my coaching days, I saw firsthand how body insecurities could flourish in the hyper-curated world of Instagram, reinforcing that need for external validation.

5. They go silent when looks are the topic

While some people hide behind humor or perfectionism, others go the opposite route: they clam up whenever the conversation veers toward appearance. They’ll change the subject if someone starts talking about body goals or skincare routines.

Or they’ll suddenly need to use the restroom the moment compliments are exchanged in a group. This silence can be a sign that the topic triggers uncomfortable feelings they’d rather dodge.

One of my friends used to get visibly anxious when conversations turned to fashion or weight loss tips. She’d fidget, check her phone, or find an excuse to leave the room. Later, she confided in me that even though she appeared self-assured, she always felt “less than” whenever people around her started comparing looks.

Her avoidance was a protective strategy—if she didn’t engage in the discussion, she wouldn’t have to confront her own insecurities.

6. They constantly compare themselves to others

It’s normal to look at someone and think, “Wow, I love their style,” or “I wish I could pull off that haircut.” But if someone is perpetually measuring themselves against others—from colleagues to celebrities—they might be harboring deep insecurity.

They might say things like, “I could never look as good as she does in that dress,” or “He has the perfect jawline; I’m jealous.” These comparisons can be delivered with a smile, but often there’s real sadness lurking behind that envy.

When I was still competing, I spent a lot of time with people who were in peak physical condition. Instead of focusing on my own strengths, I’d compare every muscle, every stride.

This is one reason Brené Brown’s work on vulnerability resonates so strongly with me. She talks about how comparison can erode our sense of self-worth by convincing us we’re not enough—smart enough, strong enough, or beautiful enough—just as we are.

For someone hiding their insecurity, this ongoing comparison can be a relentless mental battle.

7. They Seek Validation In Subtle Ways

While some folks might straightforwardly say, “Do I look okay?” others will do it more indirectly. They might post a photo online and wait anxiously for a certain friend to comment.

Or they’ll ask for style advice, saying something like, “I’m not sure if this outfit is too weird,” hoping for a reassuring “You look amazing!” Subtle “fishing for compliments” often indicates a deeper hunger for validation.

In my own journey, I’ve caught myself seeking little hints that someone approved of my appearance—maybe it was a lingering glance or a quick compliment. I’d pretend not to care, but deep down, I was hanging on their every reaction.

Over time, I realized that the constant need for outside reassurance was exhausting. It kept me from learning the skill of self-acceptance. If someone around you seems to thrive only when they receive affirmation about their looks, there may be some hidden insecurity fueling that need.

Conclusion

By sharing these signs, I don’t mean to encourage us all to become armchair psychologists, diagnosing every friend who deflects a compliment. My hope is that with a little more awareness, we’ll be better equipped to respond to the subtle cues of someone hiding how they really feel about themselves.

Sometimes, a little empathy—offered in the form of genuine listening, heartfelt compliments, or simply not making appearance the center of discussion—can go a long way.

If any of these points resonate with you personally, know that you’re not alone. It’s incredibly common to feel insecure in a world that’s so image-driven. The good news is that self-compassion and deeper personal work can shift those beliefs over time.

Whether it’s through journaling, therapy, mindfulness, or talking it out with someone you trust, finding healthy ways to accept your own reflection can ease that constant hum of self-doubt. After all, true confidence isn’t about chasing perfection; it’s about recognizing that who you are, flaws and all, deserves to be celebrated.

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