I’ve often heard it said, “It is better to give than to receive.” And while there’s certainly merit in being generous, have you ever stopped to consider the emotional cost of being a chronic over-giver?

Let’s face it.

In our drive to be warm, helpful, and supportive, some of us might be tipping the scales too far in the giving direction. This can lead to some unexpected emotional patterns.

If you’ve ever pondered, “Am I giving too much of myself?” you might want to take a closer look at these seven emotional patterns that often surface in people who habitually over-give.

It’s not about stopping your generous impulses. It’s about finding the balance. After all, a well-rounded personal brand is as much about giving as it is about receiving.

Remember that sometimes, it’s not only okay but necessary to put ourselves first.

Let’s dive in and discover what these emotional patterns are.

1) Chronic feelings of exhaustion

Have you ever felt drained, even after just a simple act of giving?

Well, you’re not alone.

Chronic over-givers often find themselves feeling constantly tired or burnt out. It’s as though the energy they expend in giving to others isn’t replenished, leading to an emotional deficit.

This isn’t just about physical tiredness. It’s an emotional exhaustion that seeps into every corner of your life, leaving you feeling depleted and unable to fully engage with the world around you.

It’s important to remember that it’s okay to take a step back. To allow yourself time to recharge. After all, you can’t pour from an empty cup.

And sometimes, the best thing you can give others is a version of you that’s rested and emotionally energized.

2) Difficulty saying no

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve found myself agreeing to things I didn’t really want to.

Sound familiar?

As chronic over-givers, we often struggle with setting boundaries and saying no. We fear disappointing others or worse being perceived as selfish or unkind.

I remember once, a friend asked me to help her move on a day I had reserved for some much-needed self-care. My initial instinct was to say yes, even though I knew it would leave me feeling stressed and overwhelmed.

That’s when I realized that my reluctance to disappoint others was coming at the expense of my own well-being.

It’s a tough lesson, but an essential one: learning to say no is not about being selfish.

It’s about acknowledging your own needs and understanding that you’re just as important as the people you’re trying to help.

3) Feelings of resentment

It’s a bitter pill to swallow, but there it is.

Despite our best intentions, chronic over-giving can sometimes lead to feelings of resentment. We keep giving and giving, often to the point where we feel taken advantage of or unappreciated.

I’ve been there – feeling invisible, like my efforts are unnoticed or undervalued. It’s a heavy weight, one that can leave you feeling disillusioned and cynical.

But here’s the truth. This resentment isn’t a sign that you’re a bad person or that you’re not generous enough.

Far from it. It’s simply a signal that you’re overextending yourself, that you’re not receiving the same level of care and consideration in return.

It’s okay to recognise and address these feelings. Because true giving should be a joy, not a burden. You deserve to feel appreciated and valued for all that you do.

4) Neglecting personal needs

In the hustle of helping others, have you ever found yourself neglecting your own needs?

It’s a common pattern among chronic over-givers. We’re so focused on being there for others that we often overlook our own desires and requirements.

I remember skipping meals, missing out on sleep, and even disregarding my own emotional health just to be there for someone else. And let’s be honest, it’s not a sustainable way to live.

Being aware of this pattern is the first step towards change. Remember, it’s not selfish to take care of yourself.  It’s necessary.

After all, how can we truly help others if we’re struggling ourselves? There’s a reason they tell you to put on your own oxygen mask first.

5) High stress levels

Did you know that chronic stress can lead to numerous health problems, including heart disease, sleep problems, and even memory impairment?

Here’s the kicker.

Chronic over-givers often experience heightened stress levels. We’re constantly trying to meet the needs of others, frequently at the expense of our own well-being.

This persistent pressure can lead to significant stress, which in turn affects our overall health and happiness.

Finding ways to manage this stress is crucial.

Whether it’s through meditation, regular exercise, or simply taking time out for yourself each day, it’s important to find a balance that allows you to give without compromising your own well-being.

6) Struggling with self-worth

Here’s something I’ve learned on my journey as a chronic over-giver: our worth is not determined by how much we give to others.

Yet, it’s a trap many of us fall into. We tie our self-esteem to the amount of help we provide, believing that the more we give, the more valuable we are. But this couldn’t be further from the truth.

You are not defined by the amount you give to others. Your worth is inherent. You matter simply because you exist, not because of what you do for others.

Recognizing this is a huge step towards breaking the cycle of over-giving. When you value yourself, you understand that your needs and boundaries are just as important as anyone else’s.

7) An inability to ask for help

The most crucial pattern that surfaces among chronic over-givers is this: a difficulty in asking for help.

We’re so used to being the helpers that the thought of reversing roles feels uncomfortable, even wrong. But there’s no shame in needing assistance.

Everyone needs help sometimes. It’s not a sign of weakness but a part of being human. Asking for support when you need it shows strength and self-awareness.

And it opens the door for a more balanced, reciprocal relationship with others.

Remember, it’s okay to lean on others just as they lean on you. You’re not alone, and it’s okay to ask for what you need.

The road ahead

If you see yourself mirrored in these patterns, know that you’re not alone. Many of us fall into the over-giving trap, but it doesn’t have to be a life sentence.

Awareness is the first step towards change. Recognizing these patterns is a huge leap in the right direction. It’s the beginning of a journey towards balance and self-care.

Start by acknowledging when you’re over-giving. Notice when you put others’ needs before your own. Pay attention to when you struggle to say “no” or when you feel that twinge of resentment.

Once you spot these moments, take a pause. Ask yourself: Is this really what I want? Am I respecting my own boundaries? Am I honoring my own needs?

This won’t be an instant transformation. Old habits are hard to break. But with persistence and patience, you can rewire these patterns. Each small act of self-care, each time you say “no” when needed, builds your confidence and self-respect.

Remember, real giving comes from a place of abundance, not deficit. By taking care of yourself first, you’re able to give more authentically and generously to others.

So, be gentle with yourself as you embark on this journey. Celebrate your progress, however small it may seem. And remember, it’s okay to ask for help along the way.

You are valuable not for what you give to others, but for who you are – and that’s someone worth taking care of.

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